I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
