You really coming over, don't trick.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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