did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
