Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
