found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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