Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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