Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
