Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We got so high we made milksteak
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
