is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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