Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
