Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
