First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
