The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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