hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
