you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
