I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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