It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
