Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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