so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
