I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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