Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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