fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
