His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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