she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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