Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
