I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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