I met the friendliest cop last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
