So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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