i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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