Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
