If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she smelled like a LAN party
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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