I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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