I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
