honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
