You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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