Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
