the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
