I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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