it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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