Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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