guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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