Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
