I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
