this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize