drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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