Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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