After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
