I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
