He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
