i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
