You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She told me I should be a condom model.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize