I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am one with the molecules
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
