just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
