I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize