i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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