I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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