reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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