if only i could text you this smell
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
