the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
