The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
