I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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