FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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