I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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