Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
