haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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