I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
