Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
