woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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