it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
